fbpx

Like you, I lie awake at night and in the morning and have so many questions about COVID-19 and its effect on the world and on my kids.

For starters – did I just make CV-19 a thing? It’s very “2CV” (see below). Please say I did that. Will you join me? Heaven forbid I put in more effort.

2CV does NOT equal CV19

Is this the end? Or the beginning?

Will my children see this as a fun, adventurous time where inept fathers masquerading as teaching assistants just yelled at them about doing their homework?

Will my kids learn ANY more in math since March 9th when they were last in school? Or will their math knowledge honestly end where I took over?

Will this be a generation of children who just have a gap in their collective and universal knowledge? Like when my kid is applying to college, will schools just wave the need to know division as a CV19 deficiency?

Will children forever be labeled as “dumb” by future generations because they just missed out on 4 months of formal training?

Will my children’s children forever refer to their parents with pity and condescension as being:

CV19 Generation. You know them…

  • Can’t socialize
  • hoard toilet paper
  • carpal tunnel in their thumbs
  • can’t do math.

Do we have to pay mortgages, now, or do we all collectively default? And if we do so, what will mortgage lenders do? Lay off all their employees…who have mortgages and need to pay their mortgages to mortgage lenders?

If we all just stop paying stuff…like – everyone…and chill out for a few weeks, could someone with economic clout (like Suze Orman) just be able to say “Okay. No touch-backs and let’s all just re-set. Together,” and then just go forward from there?

Will I be forced to eat that can of sardines inexplicably shoved in the back of my cabinet?

Will this the moment in my kids’ life that will define them forever onward? Please, Dear Gaia, don’t let anything worse happen in their lives.

All wars are about money. Oh, Jesus – what if the insecure, over-compensating white men who manage 90% of world government sand businesses find a way to parlay this into a war…for the economic stimulus alone?

Will Broadway come back? Sports heroes will be fine. But will billionaires with their overhead of mansions, boats and DisneyPlus subscriptions – will they be as equally fucked as the rest of us?

Who’s gonna pay the price for all of this? It’s never the rich and powerful, that’s for sure.

Will narcissistic influencers ever stop posting about their outfits and hair?

Why do I have to google “narcissistic” every time I use it? I won the spelling bee in 6th grade. What’s my problem?

Is EVERYONE on social media starting a relief fund and living room concert except for me? I’ve never felt so left out as I watch their highly-productive virtual lives.

Are we all in our own echo chambers of social media quarantine?

Why has no one challenged me to this push up thing? (Too late. I’ve absolved myself.)

So many questions about covid-19. Will you add to my list of worries?